Roland Fox

ronbailey: morrowplanet: Holy shit it’s Nick talking to Martha...

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 14:30:07 -0400

morrowplanet:

Holy shit it’s Nick talking to Martha Stewart in our lunchroom.

Any of you go on Oprah and I’m SO gonna unfollow your butt.

Follow this link to see clips from the show. On the right side, you can scroll down and see Nick’s appearance. Go Nick!

Out of Context

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 14:34:37 -0400

From a non-spam email I just got:

“Infiltrate Granny’s secret mountain compound…”

Pruf positive that teh LOLspeak muvment existed long b4 teh...

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 13:38:08 -0400

Pruf positive that teh LOLspeak muvment existed long b4 teh Interwebz.

Oh iPhone auto-correct, you’re so ironic.

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 11:51:19 -0400

Oh iPhone auto-correct, you’re so ironic.

Guinness give you POWER.

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 10:18:44 -0400

Guinness give you POWER.

Brostitute with Tim Roth “I’ve blown out this...

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 09:34:11 -0400

Brostitute with Tim Roth

“I’ve blown out this shoulder a couple of times from high-fiving.”

Reggie and Me

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 16:48:19 -0400

She dragged me to her stupid company picnic, kicking and screaming—nay, flopping and UURMPHING because of the ankle restraints and gag. I fought, though. That’s how she liked it. She was an aloof huntress, disinterested in weak-minded prey.

The Ren Faire was being held at the same park, so we fit right in. An elf told me I played the part of the tortured prisoner really well. If he only knew.

After we found our canopy, she let me sit down at a picnic table. “You’ll need to be rested for the product demonstrations,” she said.

“HAWDUH EMUHSAYSHUNS? WHA FO?”

“I’m going to use the ladies’ room,” she said. “You stay right here.”

“MMKAY. I WI HUH,” I responded.

While she was gone, one of her employees arrived at the picnic. It was Reggie; I recognized him from the company’s brochures. He took a seat next to me.

“HUT U OOKIN AT?” I said.

He laughed. “Settle down, man. You must be the new guy.” Here, let me take that off for you.

Finally I could breathe. I didn’t speak, though. She would hear me.

He talked for a few minutes about his ascension from slave to salesman to model. The company paid well if you could live through the first few weeks.

Then I heard the footsteps, the metallic click of her Vivier stilettos. She was coming. Reggie saw the fear in my face and held me for a brief moment. I cried on his shoulder as he put the gag back in my mouth. “It’ll be okay,” he said. “Just hang on.”

The Margarita Dilemma

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 15:34:00 -0400

stuffparty:

So, me and Marie thought the amount of booze bottles with dregs in them was getting a bit ridiculous. We got some limes at the market since we had some tequila and triple sec. Unfortunately the tequila is probably not one of the better ones – Sauza Blanco – but the triple sex, made by De Kuyper, I’ve no idea about. This isn’t my area of expertise, so to speak. Anyway, it’s a triple sec and not Cointreau as seems most recommended for a Margarita.

Anyway, I’ve done one small mix for a couple of small margaritas and they’re quaffable but nothing on a level of what I’d get were I playing with good gin to make dry martinis or perhaps gimlets the way I like them. To me the margaritas feel a bit bitter. Not that bitter scares me – I’ve yet to have an India Pale Ale too hopped for my tastes – but it somehow doesn’t seem to fit. Perhaps this is the best I can expect from the ingredients but perhaps you can help me get better out of them?

As it is I was doing two parts tequila to one each of triple sec and freshly squeezed lime juice. Shaken on ice and poured into martini glasses rimmed with coarse salt, no ice in the glass. For what it’s worth the margarita felt cold enough to me but maybe that’s just my inexperience.

But now I have roughly ingredients left for another pair of small margaritas and I’d love to make them better than the last pair. Any tips?

Edit: Roland Fox suggested this:

With those ingredients, I’d do 2 parts tequila, 2 parts lime juice, 1 part triple sec.

It was indeed an improvement. It was a much more sour drink but I can take sour. I like sour. Maybe a touch more of the triple sec to balance things a bit but I’m afraid that I’m starting to debase the cocktail I’m supposed to be making and it’s basic element, the tequila. But not only did this improve the drink, it convinced me I need to wrangle myself a bottle of good 100% agave tequila and some Cointreau and try again.

Oh, look, I still have a lime left and there’s enough booze left for one more try. I better go freeze more ice.

Making a margarita is always a dilemma. If you have a good base tequila, (might I recommend a 100% agave reposado) then your dilemma is going to be the orange liqueur. Triple sec is great for parties when you’re making a whole pitcher, but it’s usually too sweet and has too little alcohol. When you want to make yourself the best drink possible, I’d go with Cointreau or Grand Marnier. It just depends on your tastes.

Cointreau is a dry liqueur, and it has a somewhat bitter orange flavor. It’s also pretty expensive. Grand Marnier is made from cognac. It’s sweeter and more aromatic. I’d use a little more lime juice to balance out the sweetness of it.

With Cointreau, I’d use:

2 parts tequila
1 part Cointreau
1 part lime juice

With Grand Marnier, I’d use:

2 parts tequila
1 part Grand Marnier
2 parts lime juice

¡Todos los días es Cinco de Mayo!

Guys, I swear. There must be another Roland Fox in Indianapolis...

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 12:32:00 -0400

Guys, I swear. There must be another Roland Fox in Indianapolis with the same email address who subscribed to this alert.

Fuck that. I LIKE NICKELBACK AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS!

My tastes in music are pretty eclectic. Even if that means that I like the mainstream, commercially successful, gazillionaire, living in mansions types of bands that some people loathe, so be it.

I started playing guitar at an early age, and I’ve always enjoyed playing and singing songs that other people know. During high school, I was The Guitar Guy At The Party. When I was 18, a buddy and I took our guitars with us to Florida on Spring Break. We’d sit out on the beach and play for the ladies. Two girls stopped by and asked us to play some Clapton, so we did Wonderful Tonight and added their names into the song. I know that sounds cheesy, but it worked.

One thing I like about commercially successful bands is how easy their music is to play, and Nickelback is no exception. Nowadays, I’ve stopped trying to impress the ladies with three-chord songs because I’ve found a new audience. My kids don’t care if I miss a note, they’re much easier to impress, and they like Nickelback. So guess what? I do, too.

baileygenine: It is an age-old riddle that has perplexed...

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 16:33:47 -0400

baileygenine:

It is an age-old riddle that has perplexed generations: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Now British scientists claim to have finally come up with the definitive answer: The chicken.

The scientific and philosophical mystery was purportedly unraveled by researchers at Sheffield and Warwick universities, according to the Daily Mail newspaper.

The scientists found that a protein found only in a chicken’s ovaries is necessary for the formation of the egg, according to the paper Wednesday. The egg can therefore only exist if it has been created inside a chicken.

The protein speeds up the development of the hard shell, which is essential in protecting the delicate yolk and fluids while the chick grows inside the egg, the report said.

“It had long been suspected that the egg came first but now we have the scientific proof that shows that in fact the chicken came first,” said Dr. Colin Freeman, from Sheffield University’s Department of Engineering Materials, according to the Mail.

“The protein had been identified before and it was linked to egg formation, but by examining it closely we have been able to see how it controls the process,” he said.

via msnbc

(chick via)

—from Snorg Tees

"Surrounding yourself with only like-minded people is narcissism by proxy."

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:43:59 -0400

“Surrounding yourself with only like-minded people is narcissism by proxy.”

- John August

So my agent said “I’ll be in touch,” which...

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:03:52 -0400

So my agent said “I’ll be in touch,” which I’m pretty sure is Hollywood Speak for “This is absolutely brilliant let me stew on this for a bit while I figure out where to store all the money I’m going to make off of this.”

You heard it here first!

Yes, I actually quoted Cast Away. And did the hand motions. Yes....

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 11:08:00 -0400

Yes, I actually quoted Cast Away. And did the hand motions.

Yes. Look what I’ve created. I have made FIRE.

I…Have made FIRE!

Originally posted December 14th, 2009 Eddie Masters, Director,...

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 16:49:45 -0400

Originally posted December 14th, 2009

Eddie Masters, Director, Food Network: Jihad, I’m going to need you to get into it a bit more. Make that quiche your bitch. Maybe do one of those middle eastern yells before you take a bite?

Giada De Laurentiis: It’s not quiche. It’s ragu. You know, spaghetti? And by the way, it’s pronounced Yada. Also…

Eddie: ACTION.

Giada: MMMMMM….

Eddie: AAAAAND CUT. Jihad, Jihad, Jihad. How many times have we gone over this? If you don’t feel that food, if you don’t make love with the food, our viewers won’t be making love with you. You know your target audience, right?

Giada: Male, age 40 to 50, balding, sweatpants. Yes, I know the audience. But you’re wearing on me. It’s not Jihad. It’s Giada. Yada. I was born in Rome. Italy.

Eddie: I know my Italian. I watched The Sopranos. Just do the moan and the face so we can move on. Capish, Jihad?

Giada, under her breath: Vaffanculo! Vai in culo, cazzeggiare…

Eddie: ACTION.

AMG! A giant floating bag of Doritos has come to Indianapolis to...

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 11:38:01 -0400

AMG! A giant floating bag of Doritos has come to Indianapolis to steal all my weed!

Perfect form. Let me show you it. Do you see that product...

Tue, 06 Jul 2010 12:16:45 -0400

Perfect form. Let me show you it.

Do you see that product placement, Nike? Where’s my his check?

This is America, motherfuckers, and for only $200, you can blow...

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 14:05:17 -0400

This is America, motherfuckers, and for only $200, you can blow part of it up.

I am standing in line next to my wife waiting to donate a pint of my precious blood just so I can...

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:39:46 -0400

I am standing in line next to my wife waiting to donate a pint of my precious blood just so I can get a free ticket to the Twilight movie, and as I say this, I know fully well I’m still not going to get laid tonight :(

Handlebars by The Flobots This dude is amazing. My wife, an ASL...

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 16:25:00 -0400

Handlebars by The Flobots

This dude is amazing.

My wife, an ASL interpreter, says he’s a CODA (Child Of a Deaf Adult). Public speakers take note. Your body language and facial expressions speak volumes.

If Street Fighter had a Wi-Fi vs. mode that let you play people...

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 13:05:00 -0400

If Street Fighter had a Wi-Fi vs. mode that let you play people across the world, I would never leave the bathroom. And I’d WTFPWN you all.

Unless you know how to do the Shoryuken, in which case I’m pretty much fucked. Or if you actually know how to play that guy who breathes fire and has the stretchy arms and legs, because dude can cause problems. Or if you use the always unpredictable button-mashing technique like my wife does. Against that, there is no defense.

Okay, so I kinda suck at Street Fighter, but it’d sure be a nice Words With Friends alternative.