Cleaning out my text inbox.
Dude. Did you crap yourself? Glad you had fun.
Great to meet you, Mr. Fox, even though it’s sorta your fault I didn’t get any free beer. You know what? IT WAS ONLY *GOOD* TO MEET YOU.
Happy Thanksgiving to you, as well. What part of Columbus were you drowning your liver in this weekend?
Today is a test drive for the bacon. Hoping it doesn’t burn in the oven from all the booze.
I went the Vicodin route. Hope my sister’s kidney pain doesn’t flare up anytime soon.
Ha! I like it. That’s usually how I get my money, too, except substitute mom for sister and crotch for face.
Good morning, you hairy tard.
So essentially I should just start calling him Herpes
All I have to say is OMG that message is so annoying I’m never leaving you a voicemail again.
AGGGGGGHHHH SPIDER THE SIZE OF A SOCCER BALL
4pm
You guys are really good at Words With Friends. That makes it 0/3, so percentage wise, I’m…
Aww fuck it, math is hard, too :(
2pm
i am your canadian boyfriend: The Chicken Incident
You may have noticed I like to draw pictures of animals with little bits of “trivia” underneath them. They make me very happy. A while back, friends expressed interest in purchasing merchandise with these drawings on them. So, I opened my very own Zazzle store. I’ve sold t-shirts, prints, and…
Alright, Sween, here’s my advice. Check out their trademark. Seeing as it applies to baseball caps, boxer briefs, boxer shorts, briefs, pajamas, panties, shirts, slippers, socks, thongs, t-shirts, undergarments, underpants, undershirts, and underwear, you may still be able to sell some of your products. See what Zazzle says about that.
You’re right, though. It’s ridiculous that they can even trademark that phrase. Best of luck.
Via i am your canadian boyfriend
11am
True story.
Wife: You look like you’re trying to be a gangsta. Turn your hat the right way. Or take it off.
Me: (Turns hat forward) Mkay.
Wife: Now you just look pissed off.
Me: I don’t like getting my picture taken, and you’re infringing on my right to wear my hat the way…
Wife: (Flashes boob)
Me: …
Wife: Perfect! (CLICK)
10am
rolandfox is
having way more intercourse than the Internet would want you to believe.
2pm
No, YOU’RE ten years old.
2pm
Twitter Wit will get you laid.*
Sexy Starbucks Barista: What can I get you?
Roland Fox: How about some whip cream? You. Me. Naked. You get the picture.
SSB: Umm…
RF: Before you say no, keep in mind I’m famous.
SSB: Movie star famous or Youtube famous?
RF: Close. One of my (finger quote gesture) “tweets” was in the book Twitter Wit.
SSB: …
RF: It was awesome, too. It had the word proctologist in it, so you know it was good.
SSB: Are you gonna order anything?
RF: I did. The whip cream. You. Me…
SSB: Now that I think about it, you do look like a movie star. You look like that guy from the movie Seven.
RF: Brad Pitt?
SSB: No.
RF: Kevin Spacey?
SSB: No.
RF: Well, it can’t be Morgan Freeman. OK, I give up. Which one?
SSB: The guy who played the gluttony victim.
RF: Nice. So you’re saying I’ve got a chance?
*Results not guaranteed.
11am
Robin: Releasing my fourth finger.
5pm
