February 2010
31 posts
3 tags
Cleaning out my text inbox.
Dude. Did you crap yourself? Glad you had fun. Great to meet you, Mr. Fox, even though it’s sorta your fault I didn’t get any free beer. You know what? IT WAS ONLY *GOOD* TO MEET YOU. Happy Thanksgiving to you, as well. What part of Columbus were you drowning your liver in this weekend? Today is a test drive for the bacon. Hoping it doesn’t burn in the oven from all the booze. I...
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i am your canadian boyfriend: The Chicken Incident →
You may have noticed I like to draw pictures of animals with little bits of “trivia” underneath them. They make me very happy. A while back, friends expressed interest in purchasing merchandise with these drawings on them. So, I opened my very own Zazzle store. I’ve sold t-shirts, prints, and…
Alright, Sween, here’s my advice. Check out their trademark. Seeing as it applies to...
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rolandfox is
having way more intercourse than the Internet would want you to believe.
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Twitter Wit will get you laid.*
Sexy Starbucks Barista: What can I get you? Roland Fox: How about some whip cream? You. Me. Naked. You get the picture. SSB: Umm… RF: Before you say no, keep in mind I’m famous. SSB: Movie star famous or Youtube famous? RF: Close. One of my (finger quote gesture) “tweets” was in the book Twitter Wit. SSB: … RF: It was awesome, too. It had the word proctologist in it, so you know...
WatchRobin: Releasing my fourth finger.
Someone had to do it… →
tj:
How you doin’?
HAHA! Love it! For the record:
I bought the book yesterday.
I would sex anybody for anything.
But for Sniffy’s book, I’d do THAT.
Why do I always get so sleepy after I eat with a...
Phase 1 of Operation Talented Mr. Ripley COMPLETE.
-with Smallbone playing the part of Dickie Greenleaf
Decisions, decisions.
I’m picking out new eyeglasses, and I can’t decide between the Permenters or the Smallbones. I’ll still look like Schleppy McSchlepperson either way compared to them, but still.
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Hurry home.
Roland Fox: Hey Sweetness! Kristin Fox: Sweetness? Who the hell do you think you are? Seoul Brother? You’ve never called me that before. Roland: Can you get me a beer? Something less than $4, please. Kristin: Oh great. Waitress: No problem, Mr. Fox. PBR, your usual, *comin* right up. Kristin: Lovely. Roland: Well, hello, aren’t you looking naughty tonight? Kristin: You’re at a...
“What are you gonna do, hit him? No, that’s a terrible idea; I’ll...”
– Charlie Kelly, Always Sunny In Philadelphia
To the makers of Corona:
Thanks! No, really. Thank you SO much!
I just tried your beer in its new can form, and my eyes are totally open now. You make the same crappy beer that comes in every other can. I must’ve just thought that I was drinking something special when I drank Corona in a bottle with a little lime wedge in the top.
Pinball Wizard
Did I just hear the correct lyrics for the first time as “He’s got such a supple wrist?”
Stay away from my kids, Roger Daltrey.
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Last night's date:
Awesome! So you and Jeff finally met? Maybe your expectations were too high, though? Maybe he didn’t consider it a date? I dunno.
http://21cp.tumblr.com/
jessabelle2o7:
a. Is 36 years old, and yet goes to Florida each year to party at Spring Break,
b. Thinks Venice and Paris are boring places to visit,
c. Made fake barfing noises when I told him that I’m a member of the ACLU,
...
Foot in mouth.
At the store, like 10 seconds ago, talking to the woman ahead of me in line...
Me: That's a cool football jersey. Which team is wearing pink and white today?
Pink Lady: The "I'm a breast cancer survivor team."
Me: Oh. Go team!
Cleaning out my junk mail.
I thought this would make a great Q&A. The subject line in my junk mail said, and I am not making this up:
I am your Russian pussy. You remember my nickname?
Contact lenses are bipolar.
Less than five minutes ago. ON MY EYE.
CONTACT: Hey there, Mr. Eyeball. How's it goin?
EYEBALL: Not bad, just chillin.
CONTACT: That's cool. I'm glad we could be such good friends.
EYEBALL: Me, too. You've been so...so...kind, lately.
CONTACT: DIE! I'M GOING TO STAB YOU AND SUFFOCATE YOU AND BURN YOU AND
EYEBALL: SOMEBODY, PLEASE! GET HIM OFF OF ME!
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The Truth About Agave Nectar: It’s All Hype →
marco:
If you simply must have some sweets once in a while, a small amount of agave nectar every once in a while isn’t going to kill you. Just don’t buy into the idea that it’s any better for you than plain old sugar or HFCS.
If you health nuts are going to start getting rid of your agave now, send it my way. The kids are finally tall enough to work the pot still, and I’ve been dying...
I hadn't had a zero-star toot in over a year.
inthefade:
hurtling:
This morning? I had two.
I am on fire.
By which I mean my career as a Funny Person On Twitter has completely flamed out.
::shrugs::
I really hope favstar is broken. If not, I have seriously overestimated my ability to make people laugh (at me or with me, doesn’t really matter, laughter and stars are all the same when you’re a validation whore).
Pretty sure...
OMG TUMBLARITY IS BACK!
HAHA J/K but you should have seen the look on your face.