Pinball Wizard
Did I just hear the correct lyrics for the first time as “He’s got such a supple wrist?”
Stay away from my kids, Roger Daltrey.
February 07 2010
Last night's date:
Awesome! So you and Jeff finally met? Maybe your expectations were too high, though? Maybe he didn’t consider it a date? I dunno. http://21cp.tumblr.com/a. Is 36 years old, and yet goes to Florida each year to party at Spring Break,
b. Thinks Venice and Paris are boring places to visit,
c. Made fake barfing noises when I told him that I’m a member of the ACLU,
d. Supports the death penalty “for fiscal reasons,”
e. Thought Toro sashimi was “gross, and has a funny after-taste.”
f. Drives a school bus yellow jeep that he calls Air Force One: The Next Generation.
g. All of the above.
Our answer would be G. I can’t believe I de-linted my jacket for him.
Via just jessabelle.
Foot in mouth.
-
At the store, like 10 seconds ago, talking to the woman ahead of me in line...
- Me:
-
That's a cool football jersey. Which team is wearing pink and white today?
- Pink Lady:
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The "I'm a breast cancer survivor team."
- Me:
-
Oh. Go team!
February 05 2010
Cleaning out my junk mail.
I thought this would make a great Q&A. The subject line in my junk mail said, and I am not making this up:
I am your Russian pussy. You remember my nickname?
Contact lenses are bipolar.
-
Less than five minutes ago. ON MY EYE.
- CONTACT:
-
Hey there, Mr. Eyeball. How's it goin?
- EYEBALL:
-
Not bad, just chillin.
- CONTACT:
-
That's cool. I'm glad we could be such good friends.
- EYEBALL:
-
Me, too. You've been so...so...kind, lately.
- CONTACT:
-
DIE! I'M GOING TO STAB YOU AND SUFFOCATE YOU AND BURN YOU AND
- EYEBALL:
-
SOMEBODY, PLEASE! GET HIM OFF OF ME!
February 04 2010
The Truth About Agave Nectar: It’s All Hype
If you simply must have some sweets once in a while, a small amount of agave nectar every once in a while isn’t going to kill you. Just don’t buy into the idea that it’s any better for you than plain old sugar or HFCS.
If you health nuts are going to start getting rid of your agave now, send it my way. The kids are finally tall enough to work the pot still, and I’ve been dying to whip up a batch of mezcal. Thanks in advance!
Via Marco.org
February 03 2010
From left: Yoda, Darth Vader, Qui-Gon Jinn, Anakin (top), General Grievous (bottom), Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul
I mean, really. How could Darth Vader and Anakin be in the same picture? And Yoda is taller than Obi-Wan. That makes no sense.
Oh. This was drawn by a 6 year old? Then I guess I could be a little more forgiving.
Oh. My 6 year old drew this?
BEST FUCKING PICTURE EVER.
February 02 2010
I hadn't had a zero-star toot in over a year.
This morning? I had two.
I am on fire.
By which I mean my career as a Funny Person On Twitter has completely flamed out.
::shrugs::
I really hope favstar is broken. If not, I have seriously overestimated my ability to make people laugh (at me or with me, doesn’t really matter, laughter and stars are all the same when you’re a validation whore).
Pretty sure it’s busted today. Favstar shows zero “faves given” by me today, but I faved both Rommie and Michelle today, among others.
Via in the fade
