Out of Context
From a non-spam email I just got:
“Infiltrate Granny’s secret mountain compound…”
July 28 2010
Holy shit it’s Nick talking to Martha Stewart in our lunchroom.
Any of you go on Oprah and I’m SO gonna unfollow your butt.
Follow this link to see clips from the show. On the right side, you can scroll down and see Nick’s appearance. Go Nick!
Via frogsblog
July 27 2010
July 26 2010
July 23 2010
July 22 2010
July 21 2010
Reggie and Me
She dragged me to her stupid company picnic, kicking and screaming—nay, flopping and UURMPHING because of the ankle restraints and gag. I fought, though. That’s how she liked it. She was an aloof huntress, disinterested in weak-minded prey.
The Ren Faire was being held at the same park, so we fit right in. An elf told me I played the part of the tortured prisoner really well. If he only knew.
After we found our canopy, she let me sit down at a picnic table. “You’ll need to be rested for the product demonstrations,” she said.
“HAWDUH EMUHSAYSHUNS? WHA FO?”
“I’m going to use the ladies’ room,” she said. “You stay right here.”
“MMKAY. I WI HUH,” I responded.
While she was gone, one of her employees arrived at the picnic. It was Reggie; I recognized him from the company’s brochures. He took a seat next to me.
“HUT U OOKIN AT?” I said.
He laughed. “Settle down, man. You must be the new guy.” Here, let me take that off for you.
Finally I could breathe. I didn’t speak, though. She would hear me.
He talked for a few minutes about his ascension from slave to salesman to model. The company paid well if you could live through the first few weeks.
Then I heard the footsteps, the metallic click of her Vivier stilettos. She was coming. Reggie saw the fear in my face and held me for a brief moment. I cried on his shoulder as he put the gag back in my mouth. “It’ll be okay,” he said. “Just hang on.”
The Margarita Dilemma
So, me and Marie thought the amount of booze bottles with dregs in them was getting a bit ridiculous. We got some limes at the market since we had some tequila and triple sec. Unfortunately the tequila is probably not one of the better ones – Sauza Blanco – but the triple sex, made by De Kuyper, I’ve no idea about. This isn’t my area of expertise, so to speak. Anyway, it’s a triple sec and not Cointreau as seems most recommended for a Margarita.
Anyway, I’ve done one small mix for a couple of small margaritas and they’re quaffable but nothing on a level of what I’d get were I playing with good gin to make dry martinis or perhaps gimlets the way I like them. To me the margaritas feel a bit bitter. Not that bitter scares me – I’ve yet to have an India Pale Ale too hopped for my tastes – but it somehow doesn’t seem to fit. Perhaps this is the best I can expect from the ingredients but perhaps you can help me get better out of them?
As it is I was doing two parts tequila to one each of triple sec and freshly squeezed lime juice. Shaken on ice and poured into martini glasses rimmed with coarse salt, no ice in the glass. For what it’s worth the margarita felt cold enough to me but maybe that’s just my inexperience.
But now I have roughly ingredients left for another pair of small margaritas and I’d love to make them better than the last pair. Any tips?
Edit: Roland Fox suggested this:
With those ingredients, I’d do 2 parts tequila, 2 parts lime juice, 1 part triple sec.
It was indeed an improvement. It was a much more sour drink but I can take sour. I like sour. Maybe a touch more of the triple sec to balance things a bit but I’m afraid that I’m starting to debase the cocktail I’m supposed to be making and it’s basic element, the tequila. But not only did this improve the drink, it convinced me I need to wrangle myself a bottle of good 100% agave tequila and some Cointreau and try again.
Oh, look, I still have a lime left and there’s enough booze left for one more try. I better go freeze more ice.
Making a margarita is always a dilemma. If you have a good base tequila, (might I recommend a 100% agave reposado) then your dilemma is going to be the orange liqueur. Triple sec is great for parties when you’re making a whole pitcher, but it’s usually too sweet and has too little alcohol. When you want to make yourself the best drink possible, I’d go with Cointreau or Grand Marnier. It just depends on your tastes.
Cointreau is a dry liqueur, and it has a somewhat bitter orange flavor. It’s also pretty expensive. Grand Marnier is made from cognac. It’s sweeter and more aromatic. I’d use a little more lime juice to balance out the sweetness of it.
With Cointreau, I’d use:
- 2 parts tequila
- 1 part Cointreau
- 1 part lime juice
With Grand Marnier, I’d use:
- 2 parts tequila
- 1 part Grand Marnier
- 2 parts lime juice
¡Todos los días es Cinco de Mayo!
Via stuffparty!
July 16 2010
Guys, I swear. There must be another Roland Fox in Indianapolis with the same email address who subscribed to this alert.
Fuck that. I LIKE NICKELBACK AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS!
My tastes in music are pretty eclectic. Even if that means that I like the mainstream, commercially successful, gazillionaire, living in mansions types of bands that some people loathe, so be it.
I started playing guitar at an early age, and I’ve always enjoyed playing and singing songs that other people know. During high school, I was The Guitar Guy At The Party. When I was 18, a buddy and I took our guitars with us to Florida on Spring Break. We’d sit out on the beach and play for the ladies. Two girls stopped by and asked us to play some Clapton, so we did Wonderful Tonight and added their names into the song. I know that sounds cheesy, but it worked.
One thing I like about commercially successful bands is how easy their music is to play, and Nickelback is no exception. Nowadays, I’ve stopped trying to impress the ladies with three-chord songs because I’ve found a new audience. My kids don’t care if I miss a note, they’re much easier to impress, and they like Nickelback. So guess what? I do, too.
July 15 2010
It is an age-old riddle that has perplexed generations: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Now British scientists claim to have finally come up with the definitive answer: The chicken.
The scientific and philosophical mystery was purportedly unraveled by researchers at Sheffield and Warwick universities, according to the Daily Mail newspaper.
The scientists found that a protein found only in a chicken’s ovaries is necessary for the formation of the egg, according to the paper Wednesday. The egg can therefore only exist if it has been created inside a chicken.
The protein speeds up the development of the hard shell, which is essential in protecting the delicate yolk and fluids while the chick grows inside the egg, the report said.
“It had long been suspected that the egg came first but now we have the scientific proof that shows that in fact the chicken came first,” said Dr. Colin Freeman, from Sheffield University’s Department of Engineering Materials, according to the Mail.
“The protein had been identified before and it was linked to egg formation, but by examining it closely we have been able to see how it controls the process,” he said.
via msnbc
(chick via)
—from Snorg Tees
